|The problems with GUYS (so true!) :
If You TREAT him nicely, he says You are IN LOVE with him;
If You Don’t, he says You are PROUD.
If You DRESS Nicely, he says You are trying to LURE him;
If You Don’t, he says You are from a VILLAGE.
If You ARGUE with him, he says You are STUBBORN ;
If You keep QUIET, he says You have no BRAINS.
If You are SMARTER than him, he’ll lose FACE;
If he’s Smarter than You, he is GREAT.
If You don’t Love him, he tries to POSSESS You;
If You Love him, he will try to LEAVE You.
(Very true huh?)
If You tell him your PROBLEM, he says You are TROUBLESOME;
If You don’t, he says You don’t TRUST him.
If You SCOLD him, You are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS You, it is because he CARES for You.
If You BREAK your PROMISE, You Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If You SMOKE, You are a BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is a GENTLEMAN.
If You do WELL in your exams, he says it’s LUCK;
If he does WELL, it’s BRAINS.
If You HURT him, You are CRUEL ;
If he HURTS You, You are too SENSITIVE !!!!!
The moral of the story is…….
Men are Men
An Indian hotel group — supposedly the Taj Group — invited a Japanese consultant, Mr Masai Imai, to hold a workshop for its managers.The hotel managers were skeptical: our hotel is doing excellent business; this Japanese guy has no exposure to the Indian hotel business; what exactly are we going to learn from him?
In the conference room at 9 am sharp, Mr Masai was introduced to them. He turned out to be an unimpressive personality, who spoke as if he was first formulating each sentence in Japanese and then translating it into clumsy English.
“Good morning. Let us start work. I am told this is a workshop, but I see neither work nor shop. So let us go where work is happening. Let us start with the first room on the first floor.”Mr Masai, followed by the the participants, proceeded to that room, chosen at random. It happened to be the laundry room of the hotel. Mr Masai entered and stood at the window, “Beautiful view,” he said.The staff knew that. They need not invite a Japanese consultant all the way to tell them this.“A room with such a beautiful view is being wasted as a laundry room. Shift the laundry to the basement and convert this into a guest room.”Wow! How come nobody had thought about that? The General Manager said, “Yes, it can be done.”“Then let us do it.” Mr Masai said.
“Yes sir, I will make a note of it. And we will include it in the report on the workshop”
“Excuse me, but there is nothing to mak a note of. We will do it, right now.” Mr Masai said.
“Right now?”“Yes, you decide on a room in the basement and shift these things out of this room right now. It should take a few hours, right?”
“Then we will come back here tonight. By then all these things will have been shifted out and the room will be ready with the furniture,furnishings etc. Then from tomorrow you can start earning the extra eight thousand rupees that you charge for a room night.”The next destination was the pantry. The group entered. Inside were two huge sinks full of plates, waiting to be washed. Mr Masai immediately removed his jacket and started washing the plates.“Sir, please, what are you doing?” asked the General Manager“I am washing the plates”“But sir, the staff is here to do that.”Mr Masai continued washing, “I think sink is for washing plates. There are stands to keep the plates. These plates should therefore be in the stands.”
After finishing, Mr Masai asked, “How many plates do you have?”“We have plenty, so that there should never be any shortage,” said the General Manager
“We have a word in Japanese: ‘Muda’. Muda means delay, muda means unnecessary spending. We must learn to avoid both. If you have plenty of plates, there will be delay in cleaning them up. The first step to correct this situation is to remove all the excess plates.”
“Certainly, we will say this in the report.”“No wasting time in writing a report. That is another example of muda. We must pack the extra plates in a box right now and send them to whichever other hotel might require them.Now, for the rest of this workshop, we will find out where all this muda is hidden and remove it, one part at a time…”
George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
´Hello, Mr. Bush!´ a heavily accented voice said, ´This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!´
´Well, Gurmukh,´ Bush replied, ´This is indeed important news! How big is your army´
´Right now,´ said Gurmukh, after a moment´s calculation, ´there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight´
Bush paused. ´I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.´
´Arrey O! Main kya.´ said Gurmukh. ´I´ll have to ring you back!´
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
´Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I´m calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!´
´And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh´ Bush asked.
´Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik´s tractor.´
Bush sighed. ´I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I´ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.´
´Oh teri..´ said Gurmukh. ´I´ll have to get back to you.´
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
´Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.. . We´ve modified Amrik´s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind´s generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!´
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. ´I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I´ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!´
´Tera pala hove..´ said Gurmuk, ´I´ll have to ring you back.´
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
´Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.´
´I´m sorry to hear that,´ said Bush. ´Why the sudden change of heart´
´Well,´ said Gurmukh, ´we´ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi´s, and decided there´s no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!´
NOW THAT´S CALLED INDIAN CONFIDENCE
-This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.
A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new
expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and
when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down – he’s stranded miles
Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to
get a lift to the nearest town. It’s dark and raining. And pretty soon
he’s wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the
rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops
next to him – without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.
Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved
him – when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there’s no one in the front seat and no sound of any
engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead
and sees a curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray,
begging the Lord for his life. He hasn’t come out of shock, when just
before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves
The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next
bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears
every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just
enough to get the car around each bend.
Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches
open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs
as hard as he can towards the lights. It’s a small town.
He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then
he starts talking about the horrible experience he’s just been
There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking …..
…..and that’s when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa
points and says “Look Banta – that’s the weird guy who got into our
car when we were pushing it “
Nice one to share
Peace be with you…
Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. This was in the initial days. While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake there.”
The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, “How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!” So he came back and told Buddha, “The water in there is very muddy. I don’t think it is fit to drink.” After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time he found that the lake had absolutely clear water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha. Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said,
“See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be….. and the mud settled down on its own – and you got clear water.
Your mind is also like that! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.”
What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, “It is effortless.” Having ‘Peace of Mind’ is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!
Also remember that you could be in very peaceful surroundings, where everything is wonderfully beautiful, but if you’re inside is disturbed, then that beauty is of no use to you. It does not mean anything to you. For you to be peaceful, peace has to be generated from deep within you – from your being to the mind, and from the mind to the environment.
When there is peace inside you, that peace permeates to the outside. It spreads around you and in the environment, such that people around start feeling that peace and grace ….!
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!” The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
The wife went; “ah!” with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “….and I can’t remember who she was!”
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water
Moral of the story: